I Do *Not* Act LikeThis... (Frequently)

Veyron has cast more aspersions on my character, making me out to be nothing more than a flirtatious tart. She sent me the following video and implied that this is essentially me and how I act.

Super Sexy Train Passenger - Free videos are just a click away
I can assure you all this is entirely unlike me. First, I don't ride trains, second, I'm blond, third, I would never wear an outfit like that because the top does not go well with that skirt. Finally, to really attract the eyes of the guys, don't wear black heels, wear white. Any stripper can tell you that.

See, entirely unlike me.

(Note: The use of polysyllabic words is in no way a reaction to the "bimbo" reading level of this blog.)

Words Cannot Do It Justice

Earlier this year, during the summer, a bunch of people told me about a sim where the "Starry Night" painting of Van Gogh was brought to life in Second Life. Life many other pilgrims, I ventured there to marvel at how well it was done and the magnificent idea that it represented - the ability to travel within one of your favorite paintings.

Robbie Dingo built it and this morning I stumbled accross a machinima called 'Watch the World(s)" showing the build from beginning to end. I can't say which is more impressive, watching it being built or moving around within it. Making it even more poignant is the music, Don McLean's "Vincent", it makes me sniffle and tear up hearing the words as the painting unfolds. Some parts of the video have been edited to appear abstract.

It is probably the best machinima I've ever seen - I can't stop watching it.

For a very low-res version of it, here's the YouTube version:


For more details on how it was made, New World Notes has an article about it. Finally, for higher resolution versions, go to Robbie's blog - the download is well worth it.

Mega-Prim Sculptie Earth With Satellite Imagery

I *have* to see this the next time I'm in Second Life. This is incredible looking in the photos.

From the picture caption:

Sculptie Earth features a topographic Earth model with cloud layer that displays real time weather patterns streamed from satellite data. Stills are taken 3 hours apart and 2 days of data is visible in the animation.


The first photo shows how big it is relative to other things in Second Life.

The second shows it close enough to see the relief.

The pictures are from Zee Pixel's Flickr stream.

And thanks to the Huge Prim Blog for the pointer.

You Know You're Famous When....

You make it into a word search puzzle. Dinee has a word search puzzle with a bunch of SL bloggers in it. Thanks Dinee.

I also think it says something about me that I also notice “naughty” words like ‘tit’ or crass consumer words like ‘jewel’. Not that I’m a gold-digging nympho or anything.

Now, if I can only make it into her blogroll. Of course, that would mean having to post more frequently and with more exciting things.

I Is A Smart Bimbo

Following the example of other authors, like Melissa Yeuxdoux and Lillie Yifu, rating the reading level of their blogs, I ran mine through the same service and guess what reading level this blog is:

Lillie's smart, she's in elemenshur... elmnt... grade school and Melissa's real smart, she's got rockets and jello shots on hers :)

Late Night. Can't Sleep.

It's 2AM and you can't sleep, what do you do? You wander around the Internet and find out what people have been writing about you while you weren't looking :)

Narcissim, thy name is Tiessa.

You find out that you haven't posted in nearly two months. You internally vow to return to your origins and log into Second Life more frequently. You begin to write a self-referential, hopefully humorous blog post about the whole situation, only to find out that you are nearly incoherent from lack of sleep. *sigh*

Perhaps I'll call it a night and go back to counting male strippers as I try to fall asleep. You can count sheep, I want to dream about sex with male strippers when I finally fall asleep - I'll let you dream about sex with sheep. Or maybe I'll try and count Veyron's doing various naughty things. Either way, yum.

What the heck am I doing still writing when I can have visions of boy toys and models dancing in my head?

Okay Vey, I'm An "Uber Cool Nerd God" (dess)

To satisfy Veyron's curiousity about my nerdiness, here it is...





And I must protest a few thing about the test:

The question, "While not at work working, what do you spend most of your time on the computer doing?" does not have the answer that I wanted, which is "writing code". I do not consider that "work", especially since I don't program work stuff :)

The question, "How's your romantic life?" does not have the answer I wanted, which is "Have multiple boyfriends/girlfriends". I guess that would be a vanishingly small sample size for this test anyway - the writers never conceived of anyone being able to pull that off :)

The question, "Speaking of Aristotle, he made a claim that later proved incorrect, which was that..." is wrong on so many levels, it should at least be "Which of the following was one of the claims Aristotle made that was later proven wrong?" - he made so many wrong claims, the use of the word "a" is highly incorrect.

Besides if you are going to choose cool philosophy figures, at least go with Plato or Socrates.

As far as programming languages go, there are far nerdier languages and questions to ask. For example, "Do you consider Lisp to be the best language ever?" Should boost your nerd score through the roof :) BTW, my answer to that would be "depends on the problem" :P

The Jeopardy questions are just stupid - I don't watch the show anymore because its too easy which bores me ;)

Don't even get me started on the inaccuracies of the "The Hundred Years war lasted 106 years." question.

And the fact that I carry a periodic table in my purse "in case of an emergency" does not make me a nerd :) You wouldn't believe how many times that's come in handy.

To be properly nerdy the question about choosing, "Your Life", "My Space", etc. should have an option for "Second Life" or some other comment on choosing a cyber-life instead of a real life, heck even one of those MMO would be better than "My Space" - the kinds of geeks this test is targetting sneer at My Space or wouldn't know social networking if it bit them.

By choosing "Mac" I get "Mac" and "Unix" - I bet they scored me lower for choosing the Mac - I think the test creators are not nerdy enough.

There really should be a question that asks whether or not you think the test is flawed, it doesn't have nerdy enough questions, or that you think the test creators aren't nerdy enough - that should boost your nerd score.

And finally, the term should be Goddess - idiots, didn't they even take into account the "sex" portion of their own test? I call that a bug - where do I go to get my money back?

Long Absences And Unexpected Exposure

Well, Real Life is about to slow down and I can return to writing more of the Mistress Strangelove series for your edification.

However, the reason I'm posting this is an unexpected exposure of me by Vint Falken on her blog. I went to the SL Bloggers meeting and she took a photo of me and is using it as an instruction device on retouching photos.

I just wish she could have used a less titillating photo.

Update (9/14/2007):
I finally followed Vint's link to the Flckr page for the photo and read the comments there.

My favorite one:
"I can't get past "Montgolfier", hot air, balloons.. and her tits."

And that's not even why I chose the name, although now I like it even more than before. Unexpected puns are the best.

The Hummingbird Address

From the steps of her palace in Hummingbird sim, Tiessa walks up to the podium to give her, soon to be famous, Hummingbird Address. This speech comes at a time of great strife in Second Life and she wishes to communicate her feelings about the condition of Second Life and her candidacy for Governorship of Second Life.

"Four score and sixteen months ago Phil brought forth on this net, the Linden Labs, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all avatars are created equal."

"Now we are afflicted by a great system outage, testing whether Second Life, or any Life so programmed and so untested, can long remain up. We are met on a sim impacted by that outage. We have come to dedicate a portion of that sim, as a final resting place for those avatars who here were disconnected that Second Life might remain up. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this."

"But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate -- we can not consecrate -- we can not hallow -- this sim. The brave avatars, connected and disconnected, who lived here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The Grid will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what bugs occurred here. It is for us the connected, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who were disconnected here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us -- that from these honored avatars we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of connectivity -- that we here highly resolve that these avatars shall not have disconnected in vain -- that this Grid, under Tiessa, shall have a new birth of freedom -- and that government of the avatars, by the avatars, for the avatars, shall not perish from the Internet."

Looking solemn and aggrieved, she bows her head in reverence for the departed of Second Life, turns, and walks back to her palace, turning at the last moment before entering to whisper, "Apologies to the President."

Tiessa's Campaign For Governor

Tiessa, dressed smartly and primly in a severe business suit, steps up to the podium. She smiles sweetly to everyone in attendance and launches into her speech without formality or preamble.

"Friends, Lindens, avatars, lend me your IMs;
I come to skewer Phil, not to praise him.
The bugs that SL inflicts affect us all;
The fixes are oft broken in the updates;
So let it be with Phil. The noble media
Hath told you Phil was ambitious:
If it were so, it was a grievous fault,
And grievously hath Phil answer'd it."

"SL was my friend, faithful and shopping friendly:
But Phil was ambitious;
Having brought lag and bugs to us all.
He hath captivated many with Second Life
Whose wallets did the business' coffers fill:
Did this in Phil seem ambitious?
When that the avatars have cried, Phil hath wept:
Second Life will scale, just one more update will fix it!"

"You all did see that in the Town Hall
We presented him a grievous list,
Which Lindens dodged and spun the news?
Was this ambition bringing all to ruin?"

"I speak not to disprove what the Lindens spoke,
But here I am to speak what I know.
You all did love SL once, not without cause:
What cause withholds you then, to throw out Phil?
O judgment! thou are fled to bad coding practices,
And programmers have lost their reason. Bear with me;
My password is mangled in the database with Phil's,
And I cannot log in until it is reset for me."

"When I do log in, I pledge to you;
Fair avatars and furries all:
My governorship will be beneficent,
The lag and bugs will disappear,
Lindens once again shall fill all hands,
And snoops and puritans shall not peer in
On anything consenting adults will do.
But not while Phil rules the grid."

Tiessa again smiles sweetly to all assembled and leaves the podium, turning at the last moment to whisper, "My apologies to The Bard."

If you are wondering what all this is about, read Vint's or Veyron's blog entries. This was inspired by reading Zoe's speech :)

Mistress Strangelove: Chapter 7 : One Woman's Porn Is Another Woman's Research

Mistress Strangelove or : How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love My Kinks

The (Mis)Adventures Of A Reluctant Mistress

Chapter 1 : A Shopping Addict Is Born
Chapter 2 : My Inner Bimbo
Chapter 3 : If The Nuns From My Catholic Grade School Only Knew
Chapter 4 : With Bells On
Chapter 5 : Would You Dance With Me?
Chapter 6 : Its Harder Than Walking And Chewing Gum
Chapter 7 : One Woman's Porn Is Another Woman's Research
Chapter 8 : 'With Bells On' In Real Life

After my introductory weekend in Second Life, I was eager to return. I was astonished at how much I learned during my first weekend and wanted to learn and see more - I was addicted to it already. In a number of places I encountered the word Gor referring to some sort of group, I was curious as to what it was. My "performance" during my first cybersex frustrated me; I knew I wasn't that good. Not being good at something annoys me.

Another key to my personality is that I am very self-competitive. I dislike doing things at less than my potential best. Sometimes this translates into competitiveness with others, and some of my friends may quibble with what I am about to say, but I am rarely, truly competitive with others. I will play at being competitive, joke about it, and do my best, but I don't really take it as seriously as to whether I thought I did my best. Losing to others in a fair (or not so fair) competition doesn't irk me too much at all. No, my only true competitor is my own expectations. Its far more devilish a rival than anyone else could be.

Like many people, while I'm at work, I browse the web periodically; it's one of my stress relievers and I often find that a small break from a task allows me to come back to it and approach it in a new and better way. During one of these times, I remembered my curiosity as to what Gor was. As I write this, I recall I was wrong in my previous chapter, I hadn't learned about the word kajira or Gor's relationship to slavery from that man I met who had a slave, I had merely read it in a few places.

Imagine my surprise when I turned to the Wikipedia article and finally read what Gor was. It was a fantasy world that glorified the enslavement of women. I read the whole article about Gor - it was a series of fantasy novels set in a world called Gor. One of its central features was women as slaves, it talked extensively about the proper behavior of slaves, it had names for slave positions, and it had a small, but devoted following of people who practiced its "tenants". I find that as absurd as the people who learn to speak Klingon.

I was angry about slavery. I disliked the abasement of one person to another, the whole concept of domination and submission mystified me, and the fact people would willingly do all that astonished me. Realizing that in Second Life, it was all shared fantasy similar to cybersex made it easier to tolerate. However, I still thought it very unhealthy that someone would sublimate their own will and I thought it would just reinforce emotional instability and prevent people from taking responsibility for their own life and becoming better.

Then, I reached the part of the Wikipedia article that talked about Gor in Real Life. Evidently, some people live the Gorean lifestyle, with slaves who do their bidding, practicing all the mandated positions, and subjugating themselves on a permanent basis to a master. The Gorean masters prey upon emotionally disturbed women and keep them as slaves by breaking their wills. Through links off that page and other articles, I read stories of women rescued from those situations and how mentally crippled they were by the experience. I had read about the Stockholm Syndrome and the proclivity of institutionalized people to be unable to function outside of that environment and knew how evil enslavement and captivity could truly be. Now, I was truly angry, fantasy is one thing, but taking advantage of people in Real Life was intolerable. I couldn't do anything about it in Real Life, but I didn't have to tolerate the Goreans in Second Life - their mimicking of the Gorean practices seemed to trivialize the Real Life problems.

The final revelation about Gor that surprised me was that the concept of silks, those pretty, flowing clothes I liked in Second Life, originated as the clothing of the slaves. Darn, my favorite outfit was a set of silks. I realized I had been walking around in an outfit that broadcast, "I am a slave" and right now writing this, I realize that not only did the Gorean guy walk into Paradise Lost probably looking for an escort and saw me but that he also saw someone who he thought to be an escort who was also wearing silks.

During that week, at other times during my web browsing activities, I looked for blogs and other sites dedicated to Second Life. I discovered a number of them, but what really grabbed my attention were slboutique.com and slexchange.com. Now, I was even more dangerous, I could shop while at work. My wish lists instantly grew to gargantuan proportions and I spent far too much time and far too much money browsing those sites. In Second Life there were things to distract me from shopping, offline; the only change I could effect in Second Life was the purchase of things. Which I did while at work and then excitedly logged in that evening to try out.

One thing I still immensely dislike about Second Life shopping is the inability to try things on before I buy them. In Real Life, part of the fun of shopping is trying on all sorts of clothing to see which ones you like the best, in Second Life you had to go on the pictures provided. I never liked shopping for clothing on the web before for similar reasons, but now, with Second Life's prices being so cheap; I could afford to buy things just to try them on.

While at work, there was one thing I was not going to try to improve and that was my cybersex skills :) I hit upon the idea of looking for online sex stories to see what the characters said and how they said them. Swallowing my pride, I did something I had never done before, except by accident, I went looking for porn. Those spam messages describing all sorts of sexual activities, I quickly found out, were only the tip of the iceberg. Website after website of porn existed to cater to every conceivable type of proclivity; while I intellectually knew before that time that they existed, I had never experienced them except through a mislabeled or deceptive link on a webpage.

It took me many tries to get over my embarrassment long enough to do, what I like to call, research. With the offer of being an escort hanging over my head and my own disappointment at my virginal performance, I was seeing what it took to be better. Eventually, via the suggestions of a few folks at Paradise Lost who must have thought I was obsessive, I also began to look at online porn movies.

My god! The dialog was execrable in the ones that had dialog more sophisticated than, "Oh god! Oh. Give me that cock. Oh. *moan* *mumble* *slurp*." Is this what guys liked, I wondered? These women, in my opinion, were acting like trashy whores, had they no pride? No dignity? People didn't act like that in Real Life, did they?

Slowly, realization dawned on me that *this* was the dirty talk people had referred to all along and my few attempts in the past, I now realized, had been pitiful to say the least. In Real Life, I've always enjoyed sex and I began to wonder if trying this out would improve things. My personal goal of doing my best at anything I try kicked in and I knew I had to try out these ideas in Real Life. However, I didn't want to make a fool of myself, thankfully, Second Life came to the rescue and I had a handy place to practice before my Real Life dirty talk debut.

Not only was Second Life accelerating my learning and discovery of new things while I was connected to it and wandering around, it was also doing so while I was offline.

Chapter 8 : 'With Bells On' In Real Life

My Voluntarily Released, Linden Labs Verified, Real Life Information

I was reading an article in Pixel Pulse Magazine about age and gender verification in SL and a comment in it raised a particularly trenchant point:

Chew on this... what if it's a guy using his girlfriend's account? Not so sure now, are we? Even with this verification in place, it's STILL possible for you to run into this type of thing that you are so afraid of.

Given a recent ruling from the courts that if a service provider attempts to restrict content on their site, they lose the protections against third party content that grew out of the "common carrier" exception, how does the age verification help Linden Labs protect against someone using another's account? Linden Lab cannot guarantee that a "child" will not use an already verified account or that the "child" will not use a flaw in the verification system to age verify themselves to an "acceptable" age. Given that "children" have nothing but time and given the nature of the Internet, I'm certain moments after the verification system goes into place, there will be lots of information available on how to circumvent the process. And since Linden Labs *attempted* to restrict access, will they now be liable for every instance in which it is circumvented?

Another comment struck me as funny:

Since when did LL become the arbiter of truth and trust?
Why are they adding these useless features when people can simply ask?
Do you need third party verification that my favorite flavor of ice cream is Chocolate?

Following on from that comment, the concerns over leaked information, and a post elsewhere that I can't find about the choices for the verification process being too limited to actually reflect reality, I give you my "Voluntarily Released, Linden Labs Verified, Real Life Information":

Age: Age of the universe less six days (Yes, I am really Lilith, the first woman. I am the very picture of insalubrious carnality and the incarnation of lust.)

Gender: weiblich (That's feminine to you non-German speakers - gender is a *language* term and a *word* has a gender not the actual person, place, or thing, the correct word for what you puritanical types are trying to refer to but are too squeamish to *type* is 'SEX'; please get it right in the future. Which leads us inevitably to...)

Sex: Lots (I had to submit numerous pictures of me in flagrante delicto. The pictures were purely for verification purposes, I was assured, and none of that information will be leaked on the Internet or available to satisfy the prurient interests of the sex-starved geeks responsible for writing the verification software.)

Social Security Number: 123-45-6789 (Have fun ruining my credit rating, I'll never need to buy a house.)

Address:
69 Oh God Plc
Fuck, ME 77777
(Now that you know my sex and all the other information about me, I'll leave a light on in the window every night for all you stalkers to get a good look at me undressing.)

Favorite Ice Cream Flavor: I don't like any of the choices, but I must pick one, so, I'll stick with salad. (Considering the choices are: raw horseflesh, shrimp [with whole prawns], and a variety of other un-appealing flavors.)

I suggest we all start to "voluntarily" release all our information, because, what harm could it do? Does this post need the "mature" flag do you think?

Now, please pass the blue cheese dressing and let's eat. (No, I'm *not* referring to using the dressing on the salad ice cream, that would be gross, I have better uses for it :)

Submissive Jesus

Have problems with your prayers not being answered? Watch the "Submissive Jesus" video for one solution.

Which Barbie Are You?

While you wait for the next installment of my memoirs, you can find out which Barbie you are.

Mine is....

Which Barbie Are You? (pics)
Slut Barbie You're that naked barbie that you always see discarded on someone's bedroom floor........and you like it. (Atleast you aren't the beheaded barbie, whew!) Anyway, you have long since gave up on that Ken. You need that hot plastic injection and you need it now!
Take The Quiz Now!	Quizzes by myYearbook.com

Mistress Strangelove: Chapter 6: Its Harder Than Walking And Chewing Gum

Mistress Strangelove or : How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love My Kinks

The (Mis)Adventures Of A Reluctant Mistress

Chapter 1 : A Shopping Addict Is Born
Chapter 2 : My Inner Bimbo
Chapter 3 : If The Nuns From My Catholic Grade School Only Knew
Chapter 4 : With Bells On
Chapter 5 : Would You Dance With Me?
Chapter 6 : Its Harder Than Walking And Chewing Gum
Chapter 7 : One Woman's Porn Is Another Woman's Research
Chapter 8 : 'With Bells On' In Real Life
The third day dawned and I was excited to talk to my friend and tell her I was asked to be an escort at a club, especially since we had just talked about it the night before. I hadn't even had cybersex yet, how could I become an escort? Dancing made no sense to me either, why would anyone watch someone's avatar maneuver through the same set of repetitive motions over and over - let alone pay money for it?

I spent most of the day wandering around Second Life doing a little shopping, but my major spending orgy had subsided and I was merely window shopping in most cases. Also, my credit card was threatening to kill me if I didn't slow down. As it was, buyer's remorse had set in a few times, but I kept getting compliments on my appearance, which helped to mollify the tiny, fiscally responsible Tiessa inside. Poor thing, it was always outnumbered and ineffectual, I sympathized with it, but not enough to listen to it and stop spending money.

Each day in Second Life had resulted in numerous discoveries; little did I know that today would be no different in that regard. Second Life brought out more learning in a shorter period of time than I could have ever expected.

Eventually, my friend logged in and I told her all that had happened, including the fateful offer of employment as a dancer and escort at Paradise Lost. We both rejected doing that but we talked about it for a while. She eventually made some comments that egregiously generalized the people I had met, lumping them in with the same general class of people I originally thought worked in the sex trade. As you can tell from my previous writings, I am horrible at detecting prejudice and bigotry in myself, but I think I am still decent at seeing it in others. Being fairly hypocritical, I couldn't let her misconceptions continue, so I told her in greater depth about the conversation I had with the wonderful folks at Paradise Lost. We had discussed literature, philosophy, and science; they weren't unintelligent people who couldn't do anything but spread their legs and moan.

She had to leave and I wandered off to Paradise Lost to dance and talk. That was when I found out how dead Sunday nights in Second Life can be. This was still when there were frequently less than 10,000 concurrent users of Second Life.

I was alone, when a man walked into Paradise Lost. I thought, "Yay! Someone to talk to." I invited him to join me in the really nice dance animation I shared with Helena the previous night. We talked about lots of different things, what he liked about Second Life, how I was a newbie and was still learning a lot about Second Life, and, in general, just learning about each other.

It isn't until now, when I am writing this, that I realize he was probably showing up to Paradise Lost to find a dancer or an escort and I was the only one there, dressed as I was. I'm blushing in retrospect for what he thought I was. Does my cluelessness know no bounds?

He eventually told me about the house he was building. It was a rustic cottage among trees he was proud of and had been working on. I hadn't built a thing in Second Life yet and was impressed that someone could build a house - I thought it would require a lot of effort, technical knowledge, artistic skill, and special tools. He offered to show it to me and I accepted while making the prescient comment, "Is this the Second Life equivalent of asking me back to your place to show me your etchings?" We both laughed at my clever bon mot and teleported back to his place.

Second Life is incredible in that I could go back to a complete stranger's place within minutes of meeting him and feel perfectly safe - thank you Linden Labs for introducing me to a world I never knew existed, a world of safety. I have numerous friends who've been raped in Real Life and I have been in some situations that I thought were creepy and dangerous; one thing I am always cognizant of is the potential for being overpowered. It takes a while for me to feel comfortable enough with a guy to be completely alone with him. Meeting a guy in a club and minutes later going back to his home all alone is something that never would occur to me in Real Life. Second Life has introduced me to a feeling of safety and security that is unachievable in Real Life, thank you again Linden Labs - that experience alone is worth every penny I have given you.

He showed me around the cottage, it was very nice and he had spent time and thought into making it very cozy. This is the first time I saw sex pose balls in someplace other than a display at a shop and I also saw pictures of an attractive avatar in a collar and silks. I innocently went around asking questions about everything.

To reinforce with you how I act, I'd like to point out that I flirt constantly, with nothing more on my mind then enjoying a good laugh. I make frequent double entendres, fascinating myself with my own clever word-play and seeing if I can make better, more subtle, or more amusing ones all the time. It's a game I constantly play with myself and others just happen to be in the room providing the raw material for my fun; the world is my straight-man. Consequently, I have been accused on numerous occasions of being a tease. Not necessarily in such nice words either. Get used to it guys, just because I make a ribald comment or pun does not mean I immediately want to hop onto a sex pose ball with you.

I mentioned how it was nearly impossible for men to not hit on women, especially when they were alone together. He demurred, stating that he was happy with the love of his Second Life. Considering all the pictures of her around, curiosity got the better of me and I asked him how he met her.

"I met her in a rape room."

Startled and uncertain what to say for once, I floundered while all sorts of thoughts streamed through my head. Eventually the story all came out. He went to a place where people pretend rape scenes. She wanted to be raped and was turned on by it, he was turned on by raping women, and he reassured me he would never do that in Real Life. Yeah, right guy, I've been to the Brooklyn Bridge and I didn't see any 'for sale' signs on it. I may be blonde, a bimbo, and a ditz but I am not stupid. Now she was his kajira and he was thoroughly in love with her. Not knowing what a kajira was I asked further and that was when Gor was introduced to me.

So many things about this situation offended me on so many levels - rape, slavery, and the total abasement of one person to another. Here was a person who seemed very nice, perhaps a little strong and forceful, but confidence is a sexy trait, and he was telling me that he was turned on by raping women and owning them as slaves. So very matter of fact as if it was something the local church group would approve of. Visions of mousey men in dull suits sitting around talking about where to rape women, the best rape positions, and the correct whipping techniques crossed my mind. Ward Cleaver coming home from a hard day in the rape rooms to find June chained in her silks to a post in the kitchen where he gives her a light whipping and a kiss hello.

Normally, I'm pretty much "whatever floats your boat", but some things are just patently offensive. This situation started to creep me out, but the guy still seemed completely normal. And then, despite all his protestations to the contrary he did the thing I expected all along, "May I kiss you?" came the query.

As I predicted earlier and which he denied vehemently, he ended up hitting on me. I told him I was still new and had no idea how to kiss someone - I was still reeling from the whole rape and slavery thing and was just stalling while thinking. He showed me his kiss pose balls and we kissed briefly, mainly because I was curious and knew I was safe. I wanted to get out of there quickly. Finishing the kiss, I complimented him on his building skills and his choice of such a beautiful slave, but stated I had to get up early the next day and had to go.

I teleported back to Paradise Lost, the closest thing I had to a sanctuary and home at that point. There were a few people around I had never met and I started to talk to them. Eventually, they all left and I was left alone in Paradise Lost when another man entered.

We started up a conversation and began to dance the nice dance animation; I figured he couldn't be worse than the previous guy. Boy was I wrong :) [Edit: I know he will be reading this :P] Carl was a thin guy with a beard and, interestingly enough, a collar. This was the first time I'd seen a collar on someone besides the picture of that slave, so I asked him about it, why he wore if, if he too was a slave, etc. He stated he wasn't owned, but had been for a while, and deftly deflected most of my other questions about the subject.

Carl was far better at verbal banter, and far more interesting than the previous guy. We started by talking about chess, since he just lost a match to someone from Paradise Lost and seemed miffed by it. He was far more my type of guy, articulate, slightly geeky, but in a cute and adorable way. We talked about me being a newbie and, as in most conversations with guys, the subject eventually turned to sex.

After I expressed my lack of knowledge of cybersex and why it would be interesting, Carl tried to demonstrate a few lines he would type. I still didn't get it, I found it very hard to "get into" the head of the avatar and pretend like those things were happening to me. I laughed a lot, I giggled, and many times I unconsciously changed the subject to something besides sex. However, the subject always quickly returned to sex because of my continued joking about it.

At some point in this conversation with Carl, I made the decision to have cybersex if I could figure out how to do it properly. Carl was going to be my guinea pig. Further talking with Carl came up with an analogy to dirty talking, something I had always been too embarrassed to do in Real Life, but finally, I hit upon the idea that seemed to work for me, the shared creation of a fantasy. Using the descriptions of actions like a play direction for actors or writing a story about the characters from a first person perspective. It still seemed pretty pointless, but at least I had an idea of the verbal mechanics. If I got it out of the way now, I could put a checkmark next to it on my constantly growing list of things to do in Second Life, then, I could proceed on with more productive ways to spend time.

My intentions established, it still required Carl to be as patient as a saint and a Herculean effort on my part to remain serious for more than twenty seconds at a time for anything to happen. After a few hours of this (I never said I was rapidly successful in my effort, did I?), Carl finally mentioned which time zone it was for him and I realized he was three hours ahead of me and it was getting close to midnight for me. That sobered me up enough and I told him I wanted to try it but had no idea where to go. He had a place and we teleported back there.

One of the things Carl and I kept returning to in our conversation was high heeled shoes. I was wearing my color changing stripper heels I purchased the previous day and Carl liked the look of them. One of Carl's turn-ons was women in high heels and we talked about it for a while. When we got back to his place, he wrote lines about what he wanted to do with my high heeled feet, meanwhile I made observations about his room and was joking about non-related topics for a while before I settled in and realized I was going to have to do something "appropriate". I wrote back lines about how sore my feet were from dancing in those high heels all night and how I appreciated the massage and the toe sucking. It felt very unreal and my attempts were not that good - I had no experience with online sex and it showed.

Eager to show off my new purchases from Xcite and thinking that was "the way it is done in Second Life", I put them on and told Carl about them. Knowing Carl he probably made some remark about how "good girls like you pretend to be, don't immediately purchase that much Xcite gear." If he didn't say it, he probably thought it.

Carl also removed his clothes and "put on" his cock. He showed me the "up" and the "down" positions. It felt like we were both showing off our genitals as if they were fashion statements and discussing their features as if they were cars or computers. I was about to make a joke here about cocks and measuring their performance in horsepower, but that would be tasteless. And besides, a man's cock just can't measure up - okay, let me take that back, I have now seen cocks in Second Life that are nearly as big as their owner. If they had that in Real Life, the first time it got hard, they would die due to lack of blood to their other brain.

One of my "good girl" purchases at Xcite had been a blow job animation that I had installed in my "clit". I wanted to try it out, so I activated it and my avatar went down on her knees, grabbed an invisible cock in mid-air, and began to bob her head and stroke this non-existent penis. To say the least, I was disappointed, Carl was half-way across the room and my avatar was no where near him. Yet, there she was giving some ghost the blow job of his afterlife. It took a while to maneuver both avatars into place so that it looked nearly right.

The little green text that kept displaying was nice, but it quickly got repetitive. It took me forever to describe the actions I would do in Real Life without thinking, but now I had to translate them into words. This was definitely unlike Real Life sex; I'm not a big 'thinking sex' person :) It was like learning to write good descriptive text in a story - I have problems in writing descriptive text because, after all, *I* can picture it perfectly in my head, so, I unconsciously concentrated on the action and dialog, devoid of the setting. No one wants to read a story like that, this was the same, I automatically pictured it in my head but failed to translate a lot of that into useful text.

Around this time, my avatar had an orgasm, followed shortly by his avatar having an orgasm. Was I done? Was he done? How did this work? I'm used to more warning of an impending orgasm. In Real Life it would be time for him to roll over and go to sleep, but how did this work in Second Life? Still not quite getting the purpose of cybersex, I asked Carl if this was the end. We talked some more and discussed the problems of the animations, the Xcite gear, and I learned that the "arousal levels" were controllable. Carl had to go to bed; it was very late in the morning for me as well, so off to our respective Real Life beds we went.

I've contemplated this question some over the ensuing months, what is the ultimate purpose of cybersex and what is the ending point? In Real Life, the shared experience, the physical demonstration of an emotional bond, the mutual pleasure, and the culmination in orgasm by one or both partners all contribute to the purpose and "when it's done". I've since had many cybersex experiences where my partner had Real Life orgasms and that seems a natural ending point for them and their avatar. However, I have also had numerous experiences where it became almost a competition to create more and more inventive text. In the end, only through "out of band" communications via IM were we able to agree on an ending point.

This ended my introductory weekend to Second Life. I learned *a lot* about myself and this new virtual world that I was already addicted to. Thankfully, Real Life work was at a low point allowing me to plan more nights in the upcoming week that I could spend in Second Life. I already wanted to spend as much time there as possible, the exploration, the shopping, and the people were all major draws for me.

In the end cybersex was an interesting experience. Trying to coordinate typing creative text, activating animations, fiddling with Xcite attachments, and removing clothes was a far more complex and involved process than I thought. It was even more difficult than walking and chewing gum, which as a blonde ditz, can be pretty trying at times. I'm not joking; this simple activity has caused numerous problems in my life. I'll be walking along, my mind will wander, and the next thing I know I've walked straight into a brick wall. I have had the scraped nose and headache to prove it.

Next Chapter: One Woman's Porn Is Another Woman's Research

Don't Stand So Close To Me

NPR has a video interviewing a researcher from Stanford who studies Second Life social phenomena, the video, "Don't Stand So Close To Me", talks about proximity and staring and how the avatars in Second Life conform to Real Life societal norms about personal space. I don't buy all the conclusions discussed in the video, a lot of it was anecdotal without any statistics to confirm them, maybe the researcher has them, but they weren't talked about in the video.

(Via The Click Heard Round The World)

Kurt Vonnegut Quote

"We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful who we pretend to be"
- Kurt Vonnegut

Mistress Strangelove Is Running Behind

Darn RL and its incessant demands - I'm sorry the chapter is running behind, but RL is really slowing me down this week. I will publish it as soon as I can.

Mistress Strangelove: Chapter 5: Would You Dance With Me?

Mistress Strangelove or : How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love My Kinks

The (Mis)Adventures Of A Reluctant Mistress

Chapter 1 : A Shopping Addict Is Born
Chapter 2 : My Inner Bimbo
Chapter 3 : If The Nuns From My Catholic Grade School Only Knew
Chapter 4 : With Bells On
Chapter 5 : Would You Dance With Me?
Chapter 6 : Its Harder Than Walking And Chewing Gum
Chapter 7 : One Woman's Porn Is Another Woman's Research
Chapter 8 : 'With Bells On' In Real Life

In Real Life I was tired and my eyelids were drooping, but I wanted to go to one more place, Lost Dog, the store with the good, but expensive animation overrider I was looking at earlier. I wandered around their store looking at all the other animations first, trying out the dances and poses. And that's when I heard the five words that would change the course of my future in Second Life, although I didn't realize it at the time.

"Would you dance with me?" came the query. "I'd like to test out this dance animation for my club and it would be easier if I had a partner," a beautiful blond in a little black dress named Helena Kirkorian said. Helena has a particularly ebullient chat style, I won't even attempt to replicate it or imitate it. You have to experience it yourself. I will instead stick to the essential things that were said.

"You mean me?" I said looking around and finding out I was the only one standing nearby.

"Yes, it won't take long and it would help me out a lot."

"Sure," was my answer, the word that most defines me, and will probably be my epitaph.

As I mentioned before, I am usually game to try out anything once. I dislike the 'contempt prior to investigation' attitude, even though, if you've noticed I've practiced it a lot in the first two days of my Second Life existance.

I clicked on the pink portion of the duet dance and quickly began dancing a nice, solo dance.

"That's not usual," the pretty blond said, "usually the avatar stands still until the other one is clicked on."

I was willing to take her word for it, having never used a two person animation yet in Second Life. She clicked on the blue portion and we were quickly dancing a very well done dance.

"I'm not used to leading," she joked as her avatar twirled mine about in a complex tango. "Those silks look really good on you, I can tell you've spent a lot of time making your avatar look good."

I blushed. Here was someone with real Second Life experience complimenting me on my choices. I realized I must have been doing something right. After finding out I was a complete newbie, she stated she was even more impressed. All worries and regrets about spending all that money on my avatar melted away.

We talked and danced for over an hour, while a series of friends of hers teleported in, chatted, and then went about their business. She told me about the club she ran, Paradise Lost, and that she was outfitting it with some more dances and this one seemed very good.

Paradise Lost! That's one of my favorite works of literature. Milton packed more insight, characterization, and story into that one piece than most writers could possibly produce in their entire lives. I've read it enough times that I can't accurately count them.

One of my favorite excerpts is the following:

Is this the Region, this the Soil, the Clime,
Said then the lost Arch Angel, this the seat
That we must change for Heav'n, this mournful gloom
For that celestial light? Be it so, since hee
Who now is Sovran can dispose and bid
What shall be right: fardest from him is best
Whom reason hath equald, force hath made supream
Above his equals. Farewel happy Fields
Where Joy for ever dwells: Hail horrours, hail
Infernal world, and thou profoundest Hell
Receive thy new Possessor: One who brings
A mind not to be chang'd by Place or Time.
The mind is its own place, and in it self
Can make a Heav'n of Hell, a Hell of Heav'n.
What matter where, if I be still the same,
And what I should be, all but less then hee
Whom Thunder hath made greater? Here at least
We shall be free; th' Almighty hath not built
Here for his envy, will not drive us hence:
Here we may reign secure, and in my choyce
To reign is worth ambition though in Hell:
Better to reign in Hell, then serve in Heav'n.
But wherefore let we then our faithful friends,
Th' associates and copartners of our loss
Lye thus astonisht on th' oblivious Pool,
And call them not to share with us their part
In this unhappy Mansion, or once more
With rallied Arms to try what may be yet
Regaind in Heav'n, or what more lost in Hell?

Note that within the space of such few lines, are introduced three phrases that are still well known in English.

We talked about Paradise Lost (club and book), literature, religion, and philosophy. She invited me back to the club to see it and to meet a few people. In Real Life, I love dancing in clubs and having found out there were clubs in Second Life, I was anxious to see one, especially one themed after my favorite piece of literature. In Real Life, I've never seen a club with such a bold theme, they pander to the lowest common denominator, throw in a dance ball, a few lights, a fog machine, and let the DJ play some bland tracks and you have yourself a club.

I quickly bought the AO I was debating about and we teleported back to Paradise Lost. Worries about how much it cost disappeared, I was energized about meeting people that I could talk about literature and philosophy with and I just wanted to get there quickly. The concept of listening to good music, 'dancing', and good conversation had a strong allure for me.

At that time, Paradlise Lost was located at the end of a mall in a three story building. It was decorated as a cathredral with stained glass, a huge pipe organ, and an altar. Thankfully, in Real Life I had been to a brew pub set in an old cathedral where the brewing apparatus was on the altar, so a dance club in a cathedral didn't set off the Catholic blasphemy sense pounded into me and honed by years of instruction by nuns.

It was gorgeous. I hadn't been in Second Life long, but this place was tremendous and I started to finally see what I assumed Second Life was going to be like - fantastic places brought to life in a virtual environment. It wasn't just about sex as I was starting to think from my trip to Xcite and and all the trollops I'd seen standing around and blinging. I oohed and aahed appropriately and commented about all the nice touches I noticed.

I met Helena's friends, Dakota, Rob, and Brianicus. Some of the core people who ran the club. The place was empty except for us. Helena and I showed off the new dances to the others and we all joined in dancing and talking.

I don't think I've had that much fun in a club in ages. We danced for hours more that night, talking about literature, science, philosopy, and religion. We made endless amounts of jokes based on religion, sex, and heaven and hell. This was truly the moment I became addicted to Second Life. Shopping is great, building is great, scripting is great, but finding people you are this comfortable with and have so much in common with is priceless. Mastercard could make a commercial about it.

Where else could I talk about everything from cosmology, to literature, to Tao philosophy, make jokes filled with innuendo and sly puns, and listen to great Euro dance music? And better yet, have others talk about the same thing? I could go to any other club and hold a monologue on those subjects, but at Paradise Lost, I learned from the people around me. Here were people that could contribute to a conversation like that and seriously challenge my knowledge of them. I still haven't found a better place in Second Life and at that point, I resolved to go there as much as possible. This was incredible.

After a few hours of this, came the next line that would change my Second Life for good. Helena had a streak going that night. Helena asked, "would you like to work here at Paradise Lost? You would fit in perfectly."

Finally, here was the job offer I was looking for in my first day in Second Life and it was only my second day. Things were looking up for me. Paradise Lost seemed to be a great place to be, with wonderful people who had similar interests and tastes as I did. In Real Life, I'd ran raves, I'd worked in clubs, and I still went to them regularly - I was very suited to working in a dance club.

"What would I be doing?" I asked excitedly.

"Dancing and escorting," Helena replied and then added with a sly smile, "Although, you will have to interview with me before you can be an escort."

Dancing! Escorting! I was in a den of the sex trade! How could that be? These people were well educated, fantastic conversationalists, and in general the complete opposite of my mental pictures of what escorts and people who worked in the sex business would be like. And worse, they saw me as someone who would be good in the sex business. I may be dressed like a hooker, I reassured myself, but I was nothing like one, okay, after meeting these people, perhaps I was similar to one, but I continued to cling to my resolve, I wasn't going to do it.

The pieces of the puzzle began to click into place. The dance poles scattered about the place, took on a whole new meaning. They are not completely unusual in Real Life clubs nowadays where stripper chic has infiltrated the culture of acceptable behavior. Also, a few of the comments before started to make more sense. Yet again, I had been clueless and blond and couldn't add two and two to get a reasonable four.

What was I to do? I couldn't insult these people, they were great and I wanted to spend more time talking with them. But, me, a stripper and escort? Never. Maybe I could just hang out here and talk with the people and not work here. Somehow, I could ignore what they did.

"Thank you for the generous offer Helena, I'll think about it," I replied.

We danced, talked, and laughed some more before everyone had to go to bed. My second day in Second Life had been a long one and I learned a lot and changed a lot. I went to bed with the whole concept of escorting and dancing running through my head. I was definitely not going to do either, but I definitely wanted to report back to my friend who had first mentioned the idea to me. Now I had tales to tell her of my own.

My ideas about escorts had to shift, Helena and Dakota were wonderful and completely opposite to what I originally thought of as an escort. Evidently they could deal with their situation and reconciled it in their mind. But I was certain I would never do it, it was wrong, it was dirty, and it just wasn't for me.

I may be a bimbo, I may be loose, and I may be easy, but I knew I wasn't so easy that waving a little money in front of me would get me into bed. I had my pride. Before going to bed with a guy, I had to like him or at least find him cute or be drunk. A momentary flash of what it would be like to be an escort crossed my mind and was instantly dismissed. As I drifted off to sleep, I knew it wasn't going to happen, I was adamant about that.

Next Chapter: Its Harder Than Walking And Chewing Gum

The Growing Neko Fashion

It seems a number of people are going 'Neko'. I should post pictures of my own Neko experiment and in an upcoming chapter of my memoirs, you will get a taste of my RL Neko day last Halloween.

I love the link Vint posted to the Web Neko code that allows you to put a cute little Neko on you page. And I'm even happier that it works with Blogger.

Click on the cute little cat and watch it run around your web page.