Mistress Strangelove or : How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love My Kinks
The (Mis)Adventures Of A Reluctant Mistress
Chapter 1 : A Shopping Addict Is Born
Chapter 2 : My Inner Bimbo
Chapter 3 : If The Nuns From My Catholic Grade School Only Knew
Chapter 4 : With Bells On
Chapter 5 : Would You Dance With Me?
Chapter 6 : Its Harder Than Walking And Chewing Gum
Chapter 7 : One Woman's Porn Is Another Woman's Research
Chapter 8 : 'With Bells On' In Real Life
Having resolved to use more dirty talk in Real Life sex to see how it improved my sex life, I set about practicing it in Second Life. Over the next couple of weeks, I had some more cybersex experiences where I continued to experiment and see what worked and what didn't. By holding post-coital critique sessions of my cybersex techniques, I must have frustrated numerous guys who only wanted a quick cyberfuck.
I sat there afterwards grilling them for information, "Did 'licked my luscious pink lips' turn you on or would 'ran my tongue over my pouting pink lips leaving them glistening' have been better?" I was taking the new found information from reading online porn and watching porn video excerpts and turning that into 'descriptive text'. In Real Life, I was attempting dirty talking a bit, but it still embarrassed me and I found myself floundering around trying to find the right things to say and the courage to utter them. Before this, I was the usual moan, groan and "oh my god" type of sex person, interspersed with the occasional "ow" as my head bounced off the headboard. No more though, men in Second Life seemed to love it and I was determined to try it out in Real Life.
Halloween was rapidly approaching and I was looking around for a costume for a huge Real Life party I was going to. I loved my new jewelry in Second Life with the bells that tinkled every step I took. It disappointed me that I couldn't wear something in Real Life with bells on it everyday, but I think the other people in the office where I work would complain. Also, I was definitely didn't want to mimic the Second Life bells since they were attached to nipple clamps - that would be an amusing story to tell at work, "Yes, every time I jiggle my boobs, they ring because I have nipple clamps with bells on them." Not the picture of a modern professional woman, my advancement at the company instead of being on an upward tragectory would turn into more of a horizontal, couch-based career path.
I eventually hit upon a costume that was a rousing success. During my first couple of weeks in Second Life, I purchased a dark, tiger-striped cat suit that I loved. I had also purchased neko ears and a tail that went with it. The tail and ears were excellent, moving around on their own and picking up on key words as you typed. Those words would change your neko "mood" and suddenly the ears or tail would perk up and swish around depending on what you said. What sealed the idea was the realization that cats sometimes have bells on their collar, so all I needed was to go as a cat, wear a collar with a bell, and a tail that swished around. Simple as that.
Assembling the costume turned into an adventure itself. I already had a mostly opaque black catsuit covered in gold glitter I could wear. Needing the cat portions, i.e. ears, tail, and the collar, I went to the costume store. The ears at the store were good, also being black with glittery gold, but the tail, well, it just was a tiny little bit of limp fabric. No swishing around, no raised up and bobbling around over my head, in general it was a lousy cat tail. Second Life's potential was already corrupting me, "This is awful, it should be simple to throw together a simple tail and script it so it... oh... scripting... hrmm... animatronics... errr... gah... Real Life sucks."
I had hit a big, Real Life quandry, how to make a tail that stayed aloft and moved around. Thankfully, my father prepared me in life, while my mother taught me to sew and knit, my father taught me how to use tools and provided me with a little used tool box that I've always kept around for sentimental reasons. Mostly, I just get one of my Boy Toys to fix anything I need. Changing light bulbs, mowing lawns, carrying shopping packages, opening jars, and sex - the five things men are most useful for, although not necessarily in that order.
I manufacturered my own tail out of some stout wire and furry fabric - thereby pleasing both parents by using both wire cutters and needle and thread in the construction of the costume. Although, the uses I planned for that tail would not have pleased them anywhere near as much. I took an old, black, leather mini-skirt threaded the tail through a hole in the rump I made and I was finished with the ears, tail, and body suit. In a previous chapter I mentioned that I have 2" platform, 6" heel black patent leather hooker boots that I mostly only wear on Halloweeen. This was Halloween and I was planning on wearing them.
Next came the collar and bells. The costume store didn't have a decent looking collar, so I decided I had to go to a pet store to get one. I went off to the pet store to purchase a collar for my neck, eventually finding the cutest pink collar that would be perfect. But, I realized that I had no idea if the collar would fit. Glancing around I began to try on various sized collars to see which ones fit. At any second I was afraid someone would walk up behind me and ask me what I was doing. But being the comsummate shopper that I am, I had to make certain it both fit and looked good. I tried on collar after collar, looking in the mirror I carry in my purse to see how it looked and wishing there was a bigger mirror right there in the store to model in front of. Although, I bet that the demand for mirrors so that the dogs and cats can see how they look in their new collars is generally pretty low. That was one of the more strange moments in my life, standing in the middle of a big petstore, trying on collars and hoping no one noticed.
Finally, I found a collar that fit perfect and looked just righ, I turned to go purchase my illicit goods when I thought about the matching leash on the hook next to it and the line, "I'm just a naughty little kitty that has run away from my owner, would you be my owner?" popped into my head. I giggled as I mentally saw the look on my date's face when I would say that to him, so I grabbed the matching leash and went to assemble my costume.
The final state of the costume was a black catsuit with gold glitter all over it, a black leather mini-skirt, the aforementioned hooker boots, black cat ears, a black cat tail long enough to curve up higher than my head and wobble around adorably on its own, and a pink collar with a big bell and a leash dangling from it. I topped it off with pink bows on wrists and tail adorned with more bells and long pink ribbons streaming from them.
Later, while walking down the street, if people didn't initially notice me, the bells drew their attention and the rest of the costume held it. At the party, my tail wobbled around, tapping people on the shoulder and meeting them all on it's own. Everyone was having a fun time with my costume, most of all me. I'd never dressed as a Real Life neko before and it was incredibly fun having a tail and leash to play with, flirt with, and in general draw too much attention to myself with. My Boy Toy was mesmerized the whole time and I'm certain I saw him staring and drooling on more than one occasion. I had a blast.
This exhibitionist streak continued throughout the evening and it prepared me for my first major Real Life foray into dirty talk during the after-party sex that night. As the party wore on, I kept walking near my date and whispering dirty little phrases in his ear. Tempting him, teasing him, and giving him a prelude as to the wild, uninhibited sex to come later that evening. I used tried and tested lines that I'd critiqued and honed with my impromptu Second Life focus groups. He didn't stand a chance and couldn't wait to leave the party all night, but I kept him in suspense the entire party.
When we did leave, he couldn't keep his hands off of me and when we made it to the car he wasn't prepared to wait for the drive, so I had sex in a car for the first time since I had my own apartment. I didn't even take off the costume, there was no need, it was a crotchless catsuit. Yes, I was utterly shameless. We ended up doing it 'kitty style' because the tail made it difficult for any other position, all the while I was using more and more of my well-practiced cybersex phrases to drive him even more mad with lust. By the end that was some of the most vigorous and empassioned sex I'd had in a while, all due to a little bit of inspiration from a Second Life neko costume and cybersex.
One of my favorite pop-culture references to dirty talk comes from Friends, where Ross is learning how to dirty talk.
Ross: I was the James Michener of dirty talk. It was the most elaborate filth you have ever heard. I mean, there were different characters, plot lines, themes, a motif... at one point there were villagers.
Joey: Whoa! And the... uh-huh?
Ross: Well, you know, by the time we'd finished with all the dirty talk, it was kinda late, and we were both kind of exhausted, so...
Joey: ...you cuddled.
Ross: Yeah, which was nice.
I prefer to think of myself more like Shakespeare - a true artist, rather than the over-wordy Michener. Which is also why we had time to get to the actual sex. But the 'villagers' line still makes me giggle and a number of times while at the party that 'villagers' line would pop into my head and I would giggle as I thought about more and more creative things to tease my boy toy with.
Chapter 9 : An Unexpected Audience While Defiling An Altar