Wednesday, February 27, 2008

The Tragic Death Of The Montgolfier Family

In some very sad news, I near of the tragic death of members of my family via email!

From:Barr.Patrick Abel.Esq.
The principal attorney
Excellent Legal Services.

I love the name of this attorney's company, "Excellent Legal Services", kind of makes all of the other ones seem, "not excellent" by comparison, in fact, down right "crap". Especially since he tracked me down across the globe for his long dead client.

Rue de la Abai
Lome Togo.

Dear Tiessa Montgolfier,

I am Barr.Patrick Abel,a legal practitioner,I am the personal attorney to Mr.P.B.Montgolfier,a national Of your country, who used to work with Shell Petroleum Company in Lome Togo.

Not dear ol' P.B! I loved him. I remember sitting out on the veranda as children eating peanut butter sandwiches and joking about the initials of his name.

When he went to work for Shell as a gas station attendant, we knew there would be problems. We told him that high-flying executive jobs like gas station attendants risk their lives on a daily basis. I hate to say it, but we saw this coming.

I haven't seen dear ol' P.B. since the funeral for our beloved aunt B.L.T.

Doh! Togo *smacks forehead* How could I forget Togo while typing in the names of the countries. Especially since dear ol' P.B. was there.

He used to be my client my client.

Pizza! Pizza! My Client! My Client!

On the 21st of April 2002, my client,his wife and their only daughter were involved in a car accident along Nouvissi express Road. All occupants of the vehicle unfortunately lost their lives.

Not his wife and only daughter! I loved her like a sister and the niece I always wanted. They were a bit bland and uninteresting, I can't even recall their names or what they looked like right now. But, oh how I loved them.

I kind of wondered why I hadn't received a Christmas card from them in six years, I thought they were just mad about something.

Since then I have made several enquiries to locate any of my clients extended relatives, this has also proved unsuccessful. After these several unsuccessful attempts, I decided to track his last name over the Internet, to locate any member of his family hence I contacted you.

You mean you couldn't contact the Massachusetts Montgolfiers? They are an old, blue blood family that floated over on a balloon at the same time as the Mayflower. I'm certain this will just destroy the cotillion season for them. P.B.'s lovely young no-name daughter was supposed to have her coming out party this year.

I have contacted you to assist in repartrating the fund valued at US$17.5 million left behind by my client before it gets confisicated or declared unserviceable by the Union Togolaise Bank where this huge amount were deposited. The said bank has issued me a notice to provide the next of kin or have his account confisicated within the next twenty one official working days. Since I have been unsuccesfull in locating the relatives for over two years now, I seek the consent to present you as the next of kin to the deceased since you have the same last names, so that the proceeds of this account can be paid to you.

Woo Hoo! Loot! I can buy that island in Second Life now. Too bad Massachusetts Montgolfiers - you lost out. *booty shake*

Therefore, on receipt of your positive response, we shall then discuss the sharing ratio and modalities for transfer. I have all necessary informations and legal documents needed to back you up for claim.All I require from you is your honest cooperation to enable us see this transaction through.I guarantee that this will be executed under legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law.
Awaiting to hear from you urgently.

Thanks and God bless you.

Best Regards,
Barri:Patrick Abel,Esq

I love how this guys talks of "modalities" and "repartrating" - legalese is so great. Granted *real* words would also be nice...

Do you think this is a scam to prey upon my greed? Nah, this guys sounds too legit. Remember he's from "Excellent Legal Services" - those guys couldn't lie about that.

I think I should toy with this person using my Second Life avatar.

9 comments:

October Hush said...

Go for it! What could possibly go wrong? He's a lawyer after all =)

(I'm practicing my bimboese...how am I doing?)

dandellion Kimban said...

I kept a nice conversation about my Nigerian money. I even get a larger percent that initally offered. Keep us informed.

vint falken said...

LMAO. I'd love to read up on the guy's confusing. Make sure to ask him for L$ in stead of $! :d

Amanda Shinji said...

Wow, spam for an SL av... Tessa, you're the first girl I know who's had this... Don't shout too loudly about it, everyone will want it :D

You definitely have to mess with his head. Email him back and keep us up to date... :D

Tiessa said...

I sent out this...

Patrick,

Thank you for telling me about the tragic deaths of my relatives, I
did not know that P.B and his family died in Africa, that would
explain why I haven't seen them at any of the family reunions for a
while. We were close as children, but we lost touch over the years. I
know we missed him at Aunt B.L.T.'s funeral following her unfortunate
and untimely demise at the condom factory.

We were all dismayed when he took the gas station attendant position
with Shell, knowing he would be whisked all over the world to use his critical gas pumping skills to their utmost. I do not know your
country, but his recklessness in drinking large quantities of Pabst
and then driving down expressways made us think he would die on an
expressway.

I am happy that a man with your integrity and principals has taken on this task and I would be happy to work with you to resolve his estate. My family and I appreciate it at this time of our loss.

Knowing nothing of your country and its laws, I appreciate your offer
to take this case for a small fee and help guide me through the legal
system of your country.

Please inform me of my next steps in this process, I wish to adjudicate and execute the modalities as quickly as possible.

Your grateful friend,
Tiessa Montgolfier

October Hush said...

Hahahaha...you rule, Tiessa =)

Dalien said...

Oh, so it's a personalized 419 ? this is soooo awesome! those guys learned to google and script! :)

The technology is truly changing the lives on Earth. One skill at a time :-) heck, I think I am happy to hear about the personalized 419 even more than to know how much fun you will possibly have with a poor dude :) Nonetheless - please keep us posted. And if you have a chance, could you ask him if there are any Talbots amongst his missing clients ? I'm currently a bit short on funds, so anything could be of help, including, not not exclusively, a few millions from our friends in the excellent legal services. :-)

Amanda Shinji said...

Christ, I just gigglesnorted at your reply Tiessa, brilliant!!

ArminasX said...

Hysterical! Good work, T. BTW, there is a cool site that documents people baiting the "lads from lagos" who send this stuff out. See scamorama.com. Their motto: "why should scammers have all the fun?"