Lillie has a great post on "Men: The Missing Manual". She talks about how to keep a man from straying in a long term relationship. In essence, she gives suggestions on how to drive her out of business.
A quick summary would basically, go: "reward men for the things you want them to do, and not for the things you don't want." She makes a good argument for how we train men to stray in a relationship, rather than train them to stay. How sex and our moods train men to behave in certain ways and not always to our benefit.
Even though I'm not in a committed relationship right now, I do have a number of "friends with benefits" relationships going in RL. And I can offer my support for her thesis.
It's nice to have all of what I do naturally explained to me ;)
Generally, I reward the men around me when they please me. I flirt a lot with them and all men like attention. I flirt more conspicuously when they've done something extra, like flowers, presents, extra-nice dinners, etc. I make it obvious to them that they've pleased me and that I appreciate that. I touch them more, look at them more, laugh more, and basically give off all of the "signals" more. Consequently, I get *lots* of presents, flowers, and invitations to nice dinners :)
I don't live with anyone and I suspect that "the daily grind" causes some of this to wear off after a while.
However, we expect men to notice when we do something for them and reward us with appropriate attention. I suspect a lot of this is just lack of attention to what he is doing and a presumption that he *should* be doing things for us. I bet it rankles if he expects you to cook, clean, and pick-up for him without appropriate reward. The same is true for him, don't take anything for granted, he probably dislikes that feeling just as much.
If he has problems picking clothes up off the floor, one of Lillie's examples, try noticing it once when he does, stop to comment, "You know, I really appreciate it when you help out and keep the house looking clean, thank you, you're wonderful." Follow that with a passionate kiss and you've begun to train him to do the things you want since you showed physical appreciation.
Finally, never disregard the positive benefits a blow job. I know, some of you are "ewww", "ick", "gross", or "only on special occasions". Even when I am not in the mood for sex, the occasional blow job for "being so great" is a quick and easy way to keep his attention and show appreciation. It doesn't take long, can be done fairly impromptu, and satisfies his sexual urges, while giving him a big ego boost and a Pavlovian reward. It's amazing what taking a few minutes for a quick blow job can do for a relationship.
I bet if he's getting a couple of blow jobs a week, an investment of less than an hour of your time, the relationship will stay much happier. He won't go off to have cybersex with a trollop like our Lillie :) if he's just gotten a blow job for picking his clothes up off the floor. He'll be running around trying to clean the house more.
Friday, April 18, 2008
The Power Of The Blow Job
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3 comments:
You said:
"He'll be running around trying to clean the house more."
LOL - that is great! Now I know what I've been doing wrong, nagging at my husband about those clothes on the floor!
Fun article, and some truth to it, and to Lillie's as well.
Princess Ivory
Jerry Hall was asked once how she managed to be Mick Jaggers partner for such a long time, and she replied that a daily blowjob does the trick.
Ultimately it did not help to make him stay faithful (ha, that's actually a pun), or Jerry had reduced the frequency or whatever.
But - and as much as I hate gender stereotypes (seeing myself unjustly put into a category often enough for this) - a daily or even a weekly blowjob will do a lot to keep a man focused.
ok firstly this is a man here. May i add that my marriage fell apart simply because my wife was obsessed with not satisfying her husband: a (temporary) medical condition gone on to become more of a phsycological condition. She actually attacked my financial independence, my socail network, my rep, and my legal status (heck i am yet to re-establish myself citizen of the country i spent my whole life in). Now this is very much a ladies discussion here, but I couldn't keep myself from adding that if the relationship is not with mutual consent, leading to mutual satisfaction: satisfaction of both hunger AND sex, then it is but a sinking boat. Satisfying the family as far as hunger is concerned, is but the families job, as in anyone may get up and do it. Yet satisfying your spouce (or mate) is specifically your job. If you can come up with some method of completing your assignment -- what could be better. Yet if it is something that only increases your assignment: what could be worse? instead of encouraging blowjobs specifically (which i as a male may add: I totally love! :) ) I would suggest touching in general -- even when and where it is not sexual. At the same time, DONT show too much skin, DO keep him away from women that do (including those on TV/internet, AND DO NOT LET HIM TOUCH ANOTHER WOMAN. Now if you want to recall what you yourself think of all those that you touch, and compare those relationdhips with those with people that you do NOT touch: you will agree how much of a difference touching makes. Hope I got anything across -- for I feel like I'm offering my little bit (advise) to aliens :) may i reiterate here : show skin, or seduce him anyhow, when you want MORE sex, when you have reached the point where you start searching for alternative forms of sex: just cover up -- and replace the sex with touch -- so as to keep the relationship. Remember the last time you slept with him while he did NOT carry a hard-on?!
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