Sunday, May 25, 2008

The Bad Grammar Of SecondLife Love

They met each other in a cheap, generic mall stuffed full of shops selling the same recycled, four-year old freebies as everywhere else. The freebies were just as ugly as the day they were made, but now they were free, on sale for L$1, and wrapped in a blinking, rotating, particle spewing box labeled "Hot ClothesFor Women!!!!!!" by a newbie merchant, high on the dream of selling one to each of the six million avatars in SecondLife and through the clever ruse of calling it free while charging L$1, he would be rich and able to afford all the sexgen beds he wanted.

"Wanna fcuk?" BigStud34 Hunglo said, looking just like M Linden on his first day, but without pants and sporting a freebie prim cock. The 14-year old, pimply-faced boy behind the avatar's keyboard was already feverishly jerking off and desperately hoped his mom wouldn't walk in and ask him about his unfinished math homework.

"yes stud I horney 4u," 1SexySlut Muffin replied, walking like a duck and still wearing her Linden standard issue purple top and injection-molded hair. The 350 pound, grizzled truck-driver behind the avatar's keyboard put down his chili, cheese dog with everything, wiped his food encrusted hand on the ancient Harley Davidson shirt stretched to the limit that had been used as a napkin too many times in the past, licked his fingers clean as his other hand slid under his mountainous belly, and quickly probed through his hair-covered folds of fat for his cock and thought, "Damn, I am sexy."

They both quickly hopped on the nearest pink and blue pose balls helpfully labeled with "Take Bhind(F)" and "Make luv(M)"; the same freebie sex animations scattered everywhere across the landscape like pink and blue X-rated popcorn. Quickly their avatars moved in jerky, four-framed animations mimicking sex no more accurately than a Ken and Barbie doll pushed together by a giggling ten-year old boy snooping around in his sister's closet. BigStud34 humped 1SexySlut from behind, his ugly prim cock poking out of her back as she jerked beneath him with her face and hands buried beneath the ground.

"you sxy I stick big dick in you," the boy typed with one hand as sweat poured down his peach fuzz covered cheeks that had never been touched by a razor.

"ooo do me fuck di8ck," the truck-driver poked out slowly with one finger as his other hand wiggled the tiny cock that he had happily found nestled between curly-haired walls of flesh pressed together by the fat of fried Oreos eaten long ago.

"cum in u b1tch," the youth raggedly entered on the sticky keys of his World Of Warcraft branded keyboard as he accidentally dribbled cum on his half-finished math homework, hoping he could tell the teacher the stain was dried mayonnaise.

"ooo i cum 2 ... i 4ck ooo ...," the large man entered as he squirted cum onto his steel-toed shit-kicking boots. He slumped back, his sweat-covered, hairy ass making sucking sounds on the cracked vinyl chair as he smiled showing his crooked teeth stained yellow from years of chewing tobacco. Lifting his dirty hat that said "John Deere" and scratching his bald head ringed by long, greasy hair, he thought, "Wow he's good at this, I haven't been this turned on since I saw the elf dance in World of Warcraft."

Spent and not even saying "bye" they both quickly logged out thinking, "I'm in love," and then realized that in their lust for each other they'd forgotten to "Friend" their new, perfect lover.

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